MeritoriousMelovent
by NightcatMau
Summary: This is meant to be a joke, OK? But I figured out the worst pairing evahs for SP with a friend, and just had to write a one-shot for it. Again, this is meant to be funny, but what would happen if Melovent became smitten with the Grand Mage in the KOTW alternate dimension? Call it a parody if you like, I think that is the term polite folks would use.


**Meritorious/Melovent**

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A/N: I don't own Meritorious or Melovent. Thanks to KasumiCain for the dare, because I'm going to enjoy this. This is the alternate dimension Meritorious and Melovent from KOTW, by the way. This is supposed to be FUNNY. We figured it would be the WORST pairing, evahs. So enjoy!

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Meritorious sighed. They always had some new form of torture, but this had to be a first. They had allowed him to bathe, made sure he was fed, and gave him new clothing. His cell was cleaned, even scented with violets, which he personally found revolting. All the other prisoners had been cleared out, and he wondered if they had all been executed.

He shrugged to himself, ignoring the pain doing it while suspended caused. It didn't really matter, he supposed. He heard the door to the dungeon open and soon enough Melovent strode into sight. Oh, goody. Meritorious noted he was wearing his armour, complete with the screaming face that Meritorious had always personally found to be quite silly. Though he had to admit the man had a presence about him.

Melovent opened the cell door and walked in, the eyes behind his mask boring straight into Meritorious's. Meritorious met his gaze, for the Grand Mage was not easily intimidated, and as far as he was concerned, never defeated.

"Come for the book again, have we? Let's skip the torture this time since I can assure you you'll never get it." He said bravely.

"I'm not here for the book, I'm here for you." Melovent said, brining up a hand to stroke the Grand Mage's hair. "What if I told you I wanted something else from you, something I think you're willing to give me?" Melovent leaned in and kissed him through his mask, the Grand Mage's lack of response causing him to draw back.

"I'd say this place has already driven you insane, congratulations, dear boy."

Melovent's eyes flashed behind his mask. "Don't call me boy! I'm offering you your freedom if your wise enough to accept me."

"Me, take a mere child as a lover? You disappoint me, Melovent. Now run along to your colouring books and crayons and let the nice old man die in peace."

Melovent started to shake in anger. He turned on his heel and left, the dungeon door slamming behind him. Meritorious smiled into his beard. He hadn't had a lover for centuries and truly had little interest in taking one now, but it would be fun to torture Melovent in return.

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Meritorious had been unchained, fed and left unchained, though the door to his cell stayed locked and he was wearing metal cuffs that bound his magic. He had to admit Melovent was persistent and the younger man was pulling out all the stops. The Grand Mage had refused to return his affections for two weeks now, though he did allow his captor to kiss and caress him without resisting.

He grinned into his beard again. Sometimes being old was a great deal of fun. He had the restraint not to respond a younger man would have lacked, and the frustration that poured off of Melovent always caused him the greatest of joy.

The door to the dungeon opened and his captor strode in again, still dressed in the ridiculous armour Meritorious supposed was meant to impress him. He met the eyes behind the mask, amusement dancing in his own.

"Ready to give up yet, dear boy? I'm far too old to have any interest in responding." That was a lie, but seeing Melovent fall to his knees was the funniest thing the Grand Mage had witnessed in a long time.

"You have to." Melovent rasped, reaching out to grasp the bars of the cell, his armoured forehead pressed tightly against them. "I can't take this any more!" He was trembling with his emotions and desire, and the Grand Mage barely suppressed his laughter.

"All right, Melovent, if you insist. I'll bed you, but I want you to kill all the prison guards before I do. Come to think of it, everyone else in the building. You do that for me, and I'll know you're mature enough to be my lover." He made sure to put the sexiest purr possible into his voice, and his would-be lover jumped up, clearly delighted.

Melovent left to fulfill his future lover's desires, and the Grand Mage had to again suppress his laughter as the screams started to ring out. Soon they would be all alone, and that is exactly what he wanted.

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Melovent returned hours later, not even winded by his killing spree, this time he entered the Grand Mage's cell boldly, tearing off his armoured mask, before grabbing the older man, kissing him with all the pent up passion he had in him.

Melovent held off any response, pulling back to look at his captor. "You know, in my day, I could do simply amazing things to a man with my magic. But of course if you don't trust me-"

The cuffs were quickly torn from his wrists, and The Grand Mage smiled broadly. He placed his hand over Melovent's armoured heart, sending a surge of power right through to the heart itself. His captor gasped, staggering back to fall to his knees.

Melovent looked at him. "Why? You said you'd be my lover."

The Grand Mage laughed at long last as his captor slumped over, life flickering out of his eyes. "I lied."

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**Wheee! Hope you liked it, I had a blast writing it.**


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